Conversations With You Pt. I

by Vida Killz

/
1.
verse 1: it's real real quiet but it's real real loud as I sit here in this silence move my thoughts around thinkin of yesteryears before pain fed these fears and tore me down (down) you could see it joy i carried through images unphased by this no matter, she said you can't keep it no matter, she said the leaves could say it best move like the breeze Til I remember that I'm blessed swear I've got permanent heart break who to turn to run my mind in circles reaching out to hold you but this fog coats your face loves a strange disease makes you warm when you feel it take it away something like you could never heal (from it) jogging in place memories like shards of glass painted by numbers draw your name in italics til i scream it to this distance from peaks of mountains tip of my tongue til I'm listless i could foretell this tale forwards and backwards throw white flags til they understood the ending but i could never stop it our fate destiny bittersweet like frozen lakes i swim up stream in prayin to find some peace lead me to your heaven but would you let me in? prayin to find some peace lead me to your heaven but would you let me in? Hook: (sing it again) it's real real quiet but it's real real loud as I sit here in this silence move my thoughts around where you going? I hadn't won yet shown you all that I was working towards Verse 2: they don't even answer the phone like you cuz they don't pick up no call back it's a loud darkness clouds surround my bliss used to calm me down with your love now I shed tears for your peace fight these demons Til I sleep it's like death stole my innocence where is my escape chasing my tail just to find my way cast me into shadows maybe God could save me feed my shallow soul it's too large of a void meditative in hell flashbacks to recall your poise so much life to live with out you such a pain to let you go "no matter," she said "you can't keep it." "no matter," she said "you can't keep me." just sing it again Hook: it's real real quiet (where you going) but it's real real loud (I hadn't won yet) as I sit here in this silence (shown you all that) move my thoughts around (I was working towards)
2.
I was lonely when I wrote this zoning out to a tall can of kerns peach and a bag of chex mix if its all the same lately hasn't felt the same don't get me wrongly clear consciousness freed heart still my presence fluctuates in and out of present tense life is but a cold morning with no gloves scarf wrapped tightly around my neck rats nest that is my hair draped by black beanie waiting for my bus staring off into no where Til you broke my concentration with your tense rays that beat upon my outer layer making my insides feel like summer before innocence was forsaken juggling half a watermelon by pool side counting down half an hour Til I could feel as free as I ever will swimming like the other side of this pool holds my future still before my parents parted ways previous to me understanding evil prior to my first curse word muttered standing there with my stomach in my mouth praying no one heard me whisper into to grass whilst I crunch these dry leaves and recite the only words of hypnotize I could remember like biggie biggie biggie can't you see see this was sometime after I first heard the fugees got introduced by my Tia taught me what a cassette was on my way home from visiting my grandparents stuck on repeat like a stranger to my eyes strumming my pain with your fingers singing my life with your words but since then just been standing here meditating thru this verse like om is all there ever was tap into my blood line to feel a buzz power within can't be confined so why try? My linage has found strength in (You)
3.
they say you live inside me/ well, which part?/ the darkness or the light/ 'cuz its frightening/ talking to you daily but never hearing back/ few days ago/ I was so certain you'd guide me/ but I can't stay focused on all that/ bouts of depression/ these doubts are depressing/ bottom of the rock hiding my reflections/ so many thoughts broadcast from where i'm standing/ and so many hearts listen in unison/ please tell me where i'm headed/ it's so quiet now/ not sure if you knew it but you were the only one i could talk to/ felt like you actually could see through this/ mask I carry/ just a flower still blooming/
4.
Vida Verse: from where I'm standing you oughta know this pencil to my epidermis tracing what clouds miss to express my irises filled with pen ink drips from my tear ducts show you how found me ill tell you how to leave the door inside my chest holds a sign no vacancy what's beyond this line too far to hide running in fields with mice my sorrows a hawk set to implode at midnight let me invade your particles repeat each bar as a monocle chiseled in your epitaph existing soley on social networks while my soul loses net worth all this struggle just to die beautiful way to waste time take in to give back keep close those who know your dark side can only give you hope balancing on one hand my attention other hand a clenched first declaring my stance behind this blindfold energy mixed with sand molecules of my deeper calling to keep me warm ill build a fire somewhere in your distance just to see you smile ill build a fire somewhere in your distance a fire in your heart Mic Familiar Verse: To the depths of that is dimension Bottoms up combating the tension animated throughout a suspension Still lacking attention Static within amenities too crowded to mention All in all concerned now to the ground is ascension Sentient being cemented What's been presented An image drawn out of reflection Help me crawl out of the madness without any method Hell It's any direction Staying away from inertia Sneakers kicking the dirt up Now I know I'm a third of A mile a chuckle Grief inciting a smile Re-buckle face rebuttal and constant denial Fight as I may after the day of reckoning as the signal delays it's beckoning Grasping motivation lift legs and brush teeth This too shall pass I say as much as it disgusts me Lacking nerve but nothing can numb me My cigarette ashes burn lining up all of the country Stuck between what life means and whether mine can bring Not cool enough to sing this song but I still sing it Remembering each word as it occurs Each period placement Every verb pushing the word Bring light and animate this still pulse Neck down to these chilled toes Shoulders wrists and elbows let me grow
5.
living off these pen trails seeking sustenance so much change but no difference rocking hand me downs my whole life modeled my strength off that ink that bleeds someone upstairs is steering me right judging my words afraid of em like I don't want to acknowledge my pains anymore i dwell in your mind early to rise up with no sleep time you watch tic by running fast while all falls in place pray to mother nature lead us not astray hatred fixated on my crown brush it off and keep breathing what goes up falls back down mine mind wanders stuck in your timeline caught in a lesson human must learn if life's a gift then deaths a gift hope when I meet heaven I'd have earned my blessings cuz I was a bird twice devil clipped my wings silent treatment he now brings like how can I miss what I never had feeble minded with some brilliant thoughts just get lost in this sound just just get found in this sound lost in this sound just just get lost in this sound just just get found in this sound oh oh how do you hide so brightly inside show me the way to take evil away I woke up in an empty room nothing but the sound of my memories on repeat just picturing you what am I now taunting myself fighting my chakras whilst I lose clarity they say there's no beauty at the bottom but how so? cuz it's where I'm from come into my own I seek home base close my eyelids let the wind chase me outta this rut lord knows I've been trying staring at these walls focused on their downfall just get lost in this sound just just get found in this sound oh oh how do you hide so brightly inside show me the way to take evil away lost in this sound just just get lost in this sound just just get found in this sound
6.
battling my subconscious laughin at myself trying push these words out nothing really helps hearing you in my dreams you vibrate around the globe coursing through my veins, it seems scientifically it's known swimming thru my memories but whats a memory to hope? i aint only one whose feeling this just can't seem to let you go my heart so long my heart so long so long as you still in my mind i guess you won't be really gone just never on a phone line always in my songs guide my pen to write these poems tell me sweet blessing and about where you've been have you seen heaven yet? visited your son? seen your moms? forever whole as one will you watch over us? protect us from the fall i'll tell viejito you love him more than he ever saw miss your tender love your words that always knew and your sweet sweet heart i'll listen to this clock to remember how it tic tic tok'd i'll listen to this watch to remember how it tic tic tok'd my heart so long my heart so long

about

Conversations With You is 6 Track EP/
Dedicated to Mi Viejita


The leaving of this physical realm can be a gift & a curse. For some, the pains left behind from a loved one leaving can last a lifetime. For others, the freeing of their loved one from this realm can bring about peace of mind. For me, I am riddled with both. This EP is a bit of what has been dwelling inside me since my Grandmother exited this realm. I know I am not the only person who has experienced/will experience/is experiencing this therefore I wanted to release these songs publicly. I intend that they touch as many hearts as possible, and hopefully heal and free those whom experience this project.
<3

credits

released March 5, 2013

Beats Produced By: Hanto, Vaughnilla, G.R.I.E.F78, Endure & Pro-Founder
Lyrics By: Vida Killz

Written & Recorded in Feb 2013 - March 2013
Recorded/Mixed By: EVMPD
Cover Art: V. Killz

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Vida Killz San Jose

Born and raised up inside the rhythms of San Jose’s streets.

Vida works to ground herself in the understanding that there are deeply innate cycles to life.

With her unique gift of orchestrating words, she articulates this wisdom to her listeners, and shares her emotions in a way that gives a direct glimpse into her heart.
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