Conversations With You Pt. I

by Vida Killz



Conversations With You is 6 Track EP/
Dedicated to Mi Viejita

The leaving of this physical realm can be a gift & a curse. For some, the pains left behind from a loved one leaving can last a lifetime. For others, the freeing of their loved one from this realm can bring about peace of mind. For me, I am riddled with both. This EP is a bit of what has been dwelling inside me since my Grandmother exited this realm. I know I am not the only person who has experienced/will experience/is experiencing this therefore I wanted to release these songs publicly. I intend that they touch as many hearts as possible, and hopefully heal and free those whom experience this project.


released March 5, 2013

Beats Produced By: Hanto, Vaughnilla, G.R.I.E.F78, Endure & Pro-Founder
Lyrics By: Vida Killz

Written & Recorded in Feb 2013 - March 2013
Recorded/Mixed By: EVMPD
Cover Art: V. Killz


all rights reserved



Vida Killz San Jose

Born and raised up inside the rhythms of San Jose’s streets.

Vida works to ground herself in the understanding that there are deeply innate cycles to life.

With her unique gift of orchestrating words, she articulates this wisdom to her listeners, and shares her emotions in a way that gives a direct glimpse into her heart.
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Track Name: Strange Disease
verse 1:
it's real real quiet
but it's real real loud
as I sit here in this silence
move my thoughts around
thinkin of yesteryears
before pain fed these fears
and tore me down (down)
you could see it
joy i carried through images
unphased by this
no matter, she said
you can't keep it
no matter, she said
the leaves could say it best
move like the breeze
Til I remember that I'm blessed
swear I've got permanent heart break
who to turn to
run my mind in circles
reaching out to hold you
but this fog coats your face
loves a strange disease
makes you warm when you feel it
take it away
something like you could never heal (from it)
jogging in place
memories like
shards of glass
painted by numbers
draw your name in italics
til i scream it to this distance
from peaks of mountains
tip of my tongue
til I'm listless
i could foretell this tale
forwards and backwards
throw white flags
til they understood
the ending
but i could never stop it
our fate
destiny bittersweet
like frozen lakes
i swim up stream in
prayin to find some peace
lead me to your heaven
but would you let me in?
prayin to find some peace
lead me to your heaven
but would you let me in?

(sing it again)
it's real real quiet
but it's real real loud
as I sit here in this silence
move my thoughts around

where you going?
I hadn't won yet
shown you all that
I was working towards

Verse 2:
they don't even answer
the phone like you
cuz they don't pick up
no call back
it's a loud darkness
clouds surround my bliss
used to calm me down
with your love
now I shed tears
for your peace
fight these demons
Til I sleep
it's like death stole
my innocence
where is my escape
chasing my tail
just to find my way
cast me into shadows
maybe God could save me
feed my shallow soul
it's too large of a void
meditative in hell
flashbacks to recall
your poise
so much life to live with out you
such a pain to let you go
"no matter," she said
"you can't keep it."
"no matter," she said
"you can't keep me."
just sing it again

it's real real quiet (where you going)
but it's real real loud (I hadn't won yet)
as I sit here in this silence (shown you all that)
move my thoughts around (I was working towards)
Track Name: Conversations With You
I was lonely when I wrote this
zoning out to a tall can
of kerns peach
and a bag of chex mix
if its all the same
lately hasn't felt the same
don't get me wrongly
clear consciousness
freed heart
still my presence fluctuates
in and out of present tense
life is but a cold morning
with no gloves
scarf wrapped tightly
around my neck
rats nest that is my hair
draped by black beanie
waiting for my bus
staring off into no where
Til you broke my concentration
with your tense rays
that beat upon my outer layer
making my insides feel like summer
before innocence was
juggling half a watermelon
by pool side
counting down half an hour
Til I could feel as free
as I ever will
swimming like the other side of this pool holds my future still
before my parents parted ways previous to me understanding evil
prior to my first curse word
standing there with my stomach
in my mouth
praying no one heard me
whisper into to grass
whilst I crunch these dry leaves
and recite the only words
of hypnotize I could remember
like biggie biggie biggie can't you see
see this was sometime
after I first heard the fugees
got introduced by my Tia
taught me what a cassette was
on my way home from
visiting my grandparents
stuck on repeat like
a stranger to my eyes
strumming my pain with your fingers
singing my life with your words
but since then
just been standing here
meditating thru this verse
like om is all there ever was
tap into my blood line
to feel a buzz
power within can't be
so why try?
My linage has
found strength in

Track Name: Loudest Silence (Interlude)
they say you live inside me/
well, which part?/
the darkness or the light/
'cuz its frightening/
talking to you daily but never hearing back/
few days ago/
I was so certain you'd guide me/
but I can't stay focused on all that/
bouts of depression/
these doubts are depressing/
bottom of the rock hiding my reflections/
so many thoughts broadcast from where i'm standing/
and so many hearts listen in unison/
please tell me where i'm headed/
it's so quiet now/
not sure if you knew it but you were the only one i could talk to/
felt like you actually could see through this/
mask I carry/
just a flower still blooming/
Track Name: Running Thru Fields Ft. Mic Familiar
Vida Verse:

from where I'm standing
you oughta know this
pencil to my epidermis
tracing what clouds miss
to express
my irises filled with pen
ink drips from my tear ducts
show you how found me
ill tell you how to leave
the door inside my chest
holds a sign no vacancy
what's beyond this line
too far to hide
running in fields with mice
my sorrows a hawk
set to implode at midnight
let me invade your particles
repeat each bar as a monocle
chiseled in your epitaph
existing soley on social networks
while my soul loses net worth
all this struggle just to die
beautiful way to waste time
take in to give back
keep close
those who know your dark side
can only give you hope
balancing on one hand
my attention
other hand a clenched first
declaring my stance
behind this blindfold
energy mixed with sand
molecules of my deeper calling
to keep me warm ill build a fire
somewhere in your distance
just to see you smile
ill build a fire
somewhere in your distance
a fire in your heart

Mic Familiar Verse:

To the depths of that is dimension
Bottoms up combating the tension
animated throughout a suspension
Still lacking attention
Static within amenities too crowded to mention
All in all concerned now to the ground is ascension
Sentient being cemented
What's been presented
An image drawn out of reflection
Help me crawl out of the madness without any method
Hell It's any direction
Staying away from inertia
Sneakers kicking the dirt up
Now I know I'm a third of
A mile a chuckle
Grief inciting a smile
Re-buckle face rebuttal
and constant denial
Fight as I may after the day of reckoning
as the signal delays it's beckoning
Grasping motivation lift legs and brush teeth
This too shall pass I say as much as it disgusts me
Lacking nerve but nothing can numb me
My cigarette ashes burn lining up all of the country
Stuck between what life means and whether mine can bring
Not cool enough to sing this song but I still sing it
Remembering each word as it occurs
Each period placement
Every verb pushing the word
Bring light and animate this still pulse
Neck down to these chilled toes
Shoulders wrists and elbows let me grow
Track Name: Lost In This Sound
living off these pen trails
seeking sustenance
so much change
but no difference
rocking hand me downs
my whole life
modeled my strength
off that ink that bleeds
someone upstairs
is steering me right
judging my words
afraid of em
like I don't want to acknowledge
my pains anymore
i dwell in your mind
early to rise
up with no sleep
time you watch
tic by
running fast
while all falls in place
to mother nature
lead us not astray
hatred fixated on my crown
brush it off
and keep breathing
what goes up
falls back down
mine mind wanders
stuck in your timeline
caught in a lesson
human must learn
if life's a gift
then deaths a gift
hope when I meet heaven
I'd have earned my blessings
cuz I was a bird twice
devil clipped my wings
silent treatment
he now brings
like how can I miss
what I never had
feeble minded
with some brilliant thoughts

just get lost in this sound
just just get found in this sound

lost in this sound
just just
get lost in this sound
just just get found in this sound

oh oh how do you hide
so brightly inside
show me the way
to take evil away

I woke up
in an empty room
nothing but the sound
of my memories on repeat
just picturing you
what am I now
taunting myself
fighting my chakras
whilst I lose clarity
they say
there's no beauty at the bottom
but how so?
cuz it's where I'm from
come into my own
I seek home base
close my eyelids
let the wind chase me
outta this rut
lord knows I've been trying
staring at these walls
focused on their downfall

just get lost in this sound
just just get found in this sound

oh oh how do you hide
so brightly inside
show me the way
to take evil away

lost in this sound
just just
get lost in this sound
just just get found in this sound
Track Name: Queen of Hearts
battling my subconscious
laughin at myself
trying push these words out
nothing really helps
hearing you in my dreams
you vibrate around the globe
coursing through my veins, it seems
scientifically it's known
swimming thru my memories
but whats a memory to hope?
i aint only one whose feeling this
just can't seem to let you go

my heart
so long
my heart
so long

so long as you still in my mind
i guess you won't be really gone
just never on a phone line
always in my songs
guide my pen
to write these poems
tell me sweet blessing
and about where you've been
have you seen heaven yet?
visited your son?
seen your moms?
forever whole as one
will you watch over us?
protect us from the fall
i'll tell viejito you love him
more than he ever saw
miss your tender love
your words that always knew
and your sweet sweet heart

i'll listen to this clock to remember how it
tic tic tok'd
i'll listen to this watch to remember how it
tic tic tok'd
my heart
so long
my heart
so long