Painted By Numbers

from by Vida Killz

/

lyrics

Verse 1:
fall of 88' i was born into this chaos
second of two
youngest, but that's just agewise
violence in my sanctuary
couldn't understand
how it wasn't due to me
wept in solitude
saw him try to end his life
every day ending in "y"
first grade,
i couldn't even focus
jus remember cryin in class
like
if there's a god
where's she now?
emotions were such a secret
never identified
fast forward
to this pain inside
first ear i knew
with no judgement
called her up
like
grams, i can't stop crying
whats wrong with my eyes?
mija you're fine
i know how you feel inside
just give it time
you remind me of myself,
she said
lost as a child.
& it pains me to see you like
this, but but you'll be fine

i'll pray for you, your heart and mind
mija, mija, mija yeah yeah you'll be fine //

Hook:
it's just mathematics
so play your part
this equation will last
larger than you see now
picture painted by numbers
reminders to self
it;s just mathematics
it'll last/ it's just


Verse 2:
her words
showed me what love was
first time i felt it
purely felt stronger
from knowin
she wanted to help it,
braced for positivity
it came and it went
called her up again
same story
same lovin
now i'm 23
having nightmares
that she's slippin
out from our shared reality
she's grown older
body is pushin her soul out
witherin away
hoping that
i never have to see her
slip away
in denial
that it's comin
so bitter already,
like when she goes
will my love end?
imaginin' my heart turnin to stone
losing faith in hope
losing love in love
praying to numb my emotions
once she goes home
don't know how ima make it
praying to numb my emotions
once she goes home
don't know how ima take it


Hook:
it's just mathematics
so play your part
this equation will last
larger than you see now
picture painted by numbers
reminders to self
it's just mathematics
it'll last/ it's just

Verse 3:
all i do
is to bring closure
to what she went through
like being born in poverty
never had a chance at an education
now that's not all there is to life
but i cant imagining being 14 and taking care of everyone in my family
like wake up just to clean
wake up just to make meals
i joke with the child in her
sweetest love i ever knew
she's got rough edges
from the scars they left her
but i never let her get confused
that that was them,
this is us
me and all her grandkids
me and all her kids
just pray to love her
no matter the distance she throws out
it's merely to the extent she wants us
afraid to get wounded
subconsciously
she did all she could
told me she'd change some things
but gave her faith to god
hoping when she goes
she knows that she can live thru me

hook:
it's just mathematics
so play your part
this equation will last
larger than you see now
picture painted by numbers
reminders to self
it;s just mathematics
it'll last/ it's just

credits

from Negative Space, released November 14, 2012
Prod: Thousand Lanterns

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about

Vida Killz San Jose

Born and raised up inside the rhythms of San Jose’s streets. Vida Killz is no stranger to struggles. Vida works to challenge herself to be grounded in understanding the cycles of life. Having the unique gift of orchestrating words, she articulates her emotions in a way that gives a direct glimpse into her heart. ... more

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