Negative Space

by Vida Killz

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about

This album is a 23 track album which includes 18 songs along with 5 spoken word pieces, and collaborations with some of my favorite folks who rap.

credits

released 14 November 2012

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about

Vida Killz San Jose

Born and raised up inside the rhythms of San Jose’s streets. Vida Killz is no stranger to struggles. Vida works to challenge herself to be grounded in understanding the cycles of life. Having the unique gift of orchestrating words, she articulates her emotions in a way that gives a direct glimpse into her heart. ... more

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Track Name: Intro
fck the parish/
where rope strangulates my subconscious/
cuz I was born into this/ heart beat with no monsters
reevaluate my third eye/ cuz I was born die/
it's like why hate living/ rebirth my understanding /
keep away from these vampires /
emotions like blood trigger their quicksand /
follow no man/ cry as much as I never could/
while my pain disintegrate thru word/
scriptures I find peace in but could never follow /
hoist my self up from birth/
no mother or father couldve taught me to steer clear of what hurts/ hindered by human nature/
where mine eye was blinded then cured/ absit omen/
still chanting mantras in my sleep/ eyes awakened / my hollow soul/
now I want nothing more than to cure the world /
vida saint like buddha/
synonymous with chaos/
be the negative space.
Track Name: Nebula
When life was priceless
Didn't know what price was
Or cost of living
Now I can't unplug nor unsee
What I've been seeing
Stressing about rent
When I was born for free livin
In a perfect pigment
Of my moms sperm
And fathers eggs
Scratch that/reverse it
Same flow/ same distance
Ride these melodies
To feel my blood pulsate
Chaotic in breath
So I hold oxygen in my pockets
Keep it close
Oh I, keep you close
Each time I struggle
You the diamond of oceans
Ain't shared it lately
But you been knowin
Now we sit here finally
Face to face
Watch the world melt away
To reveal the colors
You keep inside
How's it feel inside?
You still got hate ?
Or you freed your heart now moms?
How's life ?
You know that bet we made?
I hope you win it.
I'd die to free your stress
No lies, no gimmicks
And I know you see me as ungrateful yes, but I just ask for respect
How's a kid supposed to build with no esteem given?
Learned it from these crowds
That grace me with they presence
No hate though, maybe that's just how it was written.
Lots of things I'd like to say
And unsay
Do and undo
But you know that.
Well, I wrote this poem
To express how I've been feeling
Blessed yet empty
Hungry yet full
Loved yet malnourished
But maybe it's just me.
Anyways I wish you love and peace. so peace.
Track Name: Negative Space
Verse 1:
Push me into oblivion
Where my disaster introverts
Hope when I die I finally spiral
Self destruct thru a super nova
Leave no distance
Between time and space
Geotaggin’ across the universe/
Forbidden grace
Hope when I smile
You read words I can’t say
Caught between fear and enlightenment
Autistic buddha chants for peace
It ain’t hard to hear
Just hard to see
Like I’m reduced to a fraction of self
But when you stepped into this just a fraction of self
All of my subconscious knows it’s hell
Figure 8’s sideways
As I count down to my departure
Cardiac arrested development
& My heart turned into a particle
I can’t find my sense
Nor my dearest friends
left behind to fight all of these
Holograms that haunt me/
Close my eyes still they’re daunting
Defeated again by/

hook:
All of these snakes and sheeps and wolves/
All of these shapes that steal my courage

Verse 2:
Pray you know my intents
Subtle as my lazy eye
All I could wish for,
Love letters to the child inside
Momma was a hard rock
Hiding a gem
Poppa was an equation not even
He could comprehend
I could never get comfortable
Couldn’t even sleep right
Older I grow/
More detached from my third eye
Take away these drum tracks
It’s just me speakin’ to higher frequencies
Art an advocate I never had
But uhh, we collective virus
Makin’ copies of DNA codes
To mold a more perfect whole
Well, Solo caen
Oh how I feared home,
Got lost in bottles
& I got lost in hatred
But it was all just a figment of my imagination

hook:
All of these snakes and sheeps and wolves/
All of these shapes that steal my courage

Verse 3:
Gun to my head
Evacuate my thought process
No matter where I roam
We starin’ at same sun, moon & stars
Still writin’ in pure form
Jails keep your bars/
I ain’t want none of that/
Mainstream fame
My heart’s too confused to maintain hate
Just wanna retire my moms
She’s been working since the 10th grade
& Every man she loves
Seems to leave more scars
Like kick down one’s with purest heart
‘Cuz you couldn’t get none of that/
None of that/
So bizarre how it goes
From me recording in my room
To keep my sanity/find the peace in me/
To y’all sayin’ you feelin’ it
Since you seen that untitled video/
You loved life & ain’t intent on killin’ it
No more, I pray for no more

hook:
All of these snakes and sheeps and wolves/
All of these shapes that steal my courage
Track Name: Lucid Dream
Intro:
I had this lucid dream once.
I was standing, staring at a box of oranges
One of those farmers market type of boxes
All the oranges stacked perfectly
With all their imperfections
Such that they wouldn't fall
I just stared at them
Thinking how much sense it all made
How someone put them there
Cuz it was where they wanted them
How we've been put here
Cuz it's where we're wanted
Then I laughed
And woke up with a smirk

Verse 1:
Subtlety
Over a cup of tea
Across the table from
Older me
Where the table stretches as
Far as open land
Pure thoughts connected
To form this experience
We are because they are
Reach out to reality
As it turns to mist
Now reach into your
Sanity
As it turns to this
One box
With no objects
An open ended letter
To the universe
With my open ended living
Take away these fiber optics
Social digital networks
Then tell me whats your net worth
Who knocks on your door?
Writes you letters?
Does your experience of love end
With no new notifications?
Are your thoughts still has important
With no body to like them?
Share 'em/repost them/validate them
Who would you take pictures for?
Posing just the right way
To give half of the truth
The half of you
You want them to see
And judge you plainly by
Through 5 filters from instagram and edits from photoshop
To hide your acne
That would actually show your humanity
Well, bless this mess
And life's sarcasm
While I praise this rock that emits warmth
With a side of cancer
Sitting here
Sipping my tea
Laughing at the reality of death
Like it ain't comin for me.

Hook:
Where's that truth,
You read
Disguised in you
Where's that truth
You bleed
Disguised in you


Verse 2:
Refill
Thinkin' deeply now
Like I was born in silence
I'm gonna die in silence
So i'll sit here with my silence
Observe your violence
Take heed, and laugh on
We came from the same place
But folks act like these colors matter
Human is form.
We all got one heart
Two lungs, well, sometimes,
One mind,
One tongue, well,uh sometimes,but
Me and mine strugglin' just to get by
Whilst I plant my investments
Heard a friend say
Which corporation will take me?
Feed my mouth then break me?
While he could never make a large enough percentage
To actually make a dent in the bank account
Of said corporation
He still tried
Consumed and consumed
He still gon' die /broke
As this glass eat
I had a job once
Til I calculated how much I made hourly
Then imagined how many hours it would take
To make enough to buy some food
Figured it took me four hours to have
What was equal to buying one meal/one movie ticket
Got mad depressed and quit it
They said I shouldn't even act gay
Infront of the board of directors
But thats blood thats in me
My hands look like your hands
My blood pumps like yours too
With a side of heart palpitations
That I should really get checked out
For your information
This ain't rappin'
Don't be confused
I just talk this way
These beats my atmosphere
Oh your shops closing?
Well, thanks for the tea miss,
I'll get going..


Hook:
Where's that truth,
You read
Disguised in you
Where's that truth
You bleed
Disguised in you
Track Name: Cielo (I Was A Bird)
I was a bird once/
Flight unlimited
Absent from what the sun had done
Fell from a tree and caught my first buzz/
Sweet bliss up in my wingspan
Hadn’t been corrupted by nightmares then
Roamed high and far for food
Still a hustle now, as it was back when/then
I could feel beauty in all things
Fight these memories/
Before pollution stole my oxygen
Eons ago when innocence was friend
I’d float all day long with some of my homies/
‘Cuz that’s all we knew
No politics/ No system
We were one
Summer made us remember our birth
So pure
Mother Nature nourished us
Supreme definition of love
Gave herself purely such that we was/
Then these humans came
They stole our homes
Tried to rape my Mother & call her their own
Some of my family died
From a liquid that stole their ocean
They tried to save ‘em but the damage was done/
Now they all watch these boxes/
What the hells up in those boxes
Got ‘em actin’ crazy/
Killin’ eachother over those boxes/
Wish I could show ‘em where I came from
My view it was abundant
Everything pieced together so perfectly
Now it’s all stale and barren
Heard ‘em try to ridicule my brain man/
Funny they say that, but I’m the one that’s peaceful
Now what’s up with your brain man?
Someone told me the world was ending/
Seems she’s just beginning

Hook
We were all birds once/
But flight has ended/ too much war/yeah/
When will they mend it/
We were all birds once/
But flight has ended /too much war/yeah/
When will we mend it

I lived on Earth once
But life has ended

Too much war, when will we end it?
Even here as a human/
They stole my home
All these corporations/
No where left to roam
And like Rome they implode
Stars and strapped with gats

Projectin’ these demons within
No enemy but self
from down here it’s hell
LGBTQ still a lesser
When will y’all learn lesson
Nothin’ means a thing 
except meaning you bring/

So why such hatred?

Youth killin’ themselves to find Heaven

Calm them voice witihin
I know those pains
Battle myself every AM
Re-examin’ my thoughts
After I did ‘em
Can’t even talk about my upbringing without crying/
But it gets better
Love thyself
Happiness comes from within
Even if these advertisements prove otherwise/
Money, that root of all evil/
Lead me from route to all evil.
Reincarnate me thru pencil
God Bless my Grandmoms

She taught me dedication
Eons ago when innocence was friend
I wrote all day long ‘cuz I had no homies
No politics & no system
We are one
Summer remind me of birth, so pure/
Moms nourished us/
Supreme definition of love
Gave herself purely such that we was
Heard ‘em try to ridicule my pen man/
Funny y’all say that/
When I’m the one that’s peaceful
Someone told me the world was ending/
Seems she’s just beginning
Track Name: Lady Death Pt. II
It’s like/it’s life

Verse 1:
Glass filled with ash/

Drinking memories you’re slipping me/
Rockin’ my intellect
Multi-faceted, 
Watch how you're watching me
Side smirk
Laughin’ at my pettiness
Oral connects, draining heart strings
Wouldn’t touch you if I could,
Love the empty me too much to comprehend
Or chance your death of we (we)
Only know of shallow marble innocence
Stroke of incense
Know the power my veins bring
Another song to be imagined
Leave formulation to universe
Ignore all signs thrown my way/
‘Cuz I’ve understood intuition’s fragility
And we said it best, when we said it less
Mind divides time and categorizes wishes
Analytics breach my glass wall 

Got a foreshadow of rhythmic seeds
Freudian slipped and lead fate to meet destiny
Two parts to temples flaring
You the record my vinyl’s missin’
Gettin’ up on diggin’ down
Expose my layers
Feathers flexed
Scales sheddin’, sheddin’

Baby, baby baby baby,
It’s like it’s life
It’s like it’s life
It’s like like life
It’s like it’s life
It’s like like life



Hook:
Breedin’ new ground
/Same stance
Whenever you ‘round/
Same dance
Lady Death, Death
Lady Death, Death
Breedin’ new ground
/Same stance
Whenever you ‘round/
Same dance
Lady Death, Death
Lady Death, Death


VERSE 2:
This one’s a tune for those who love love/
Lovers of rather admire from distance
Infatuation has got us twisted
Missin’ sleep and coutin’ time apart
Drinkin’ broken hearts, new found art
Rock few words openly
Vibe vaguely sans emotional
My eyes tell of soul, pain and illusion
If world was on fire, 
No one could save me, but you
(No one could save me but you)
And the claw marks on my subconscious
Have left me frail to move forward
Stuck in loopholes
Perpetual kiss I chase

Baby, baby baby baby,
It’s like it’s life
It’s like it’s life
It’s like like life
It’s like it’s life
It’s like like life


Hook:
Breedin’ new ground
/Same stance
Whenever you ‘round/
Same dance
Lady Death, Death
Lady Death, Death
Breedin’ new ground
/Same stance
Whenever you ‘round/
Same dance
Lady Death, Death
Lady Death, Death


Sol Fern:

Recovery kept tightly
Dangling from string
Every pump and breath
Keeps me wake
And every dream
 keeps me sane
If only this world
 could touch within me
Keeping each word within reality
Beauty found within the seams
Your heart I’ll keep with me
Track Name: Slowing Down
Hook:
It's rolling in, you can see it
Ocean moving, you can see it
It's slowing down, you can feel it
In my heart now, you can feel it


Verse:
Detach from heart
Fall into ego
I lose myself
& Find my Steelo
Only promise is death
Well, I ain't ready for that quite yet
What's life inside this pocket watch
Hour hand goes tic as my eyes go talk
Lead you to a path of nothing
With flames as potent as your walls or something
But hey I just wanna connect
Sit here riddling my emotions, vexed
Push me beyond your depths
Where the only you is
Check-marks the spot
With thoughts so conflicted
I could relapse and rewind
And still be right here
Just pulling apart my fears
Infrastructure breaking with each step
But like that ever really mattered
Your silence always best
23 años, haven't run out yet
Just a slow roll, yeah this cold stroll
As I break new ground ignore the hatred
Create a new life
You could swear I made it
But yo these questions haunt my head
Like would my loved ones care
if I was no one?
Changed my calling, would they still be calling?
And my bro hates that I do music
Swear it steals me from his life, yeah,
It's bullshit
But um it's all perception you'll understand it,
(You'll never understand it)

hook:
It's rolling in, you can see it
Ocean moving, you can see it
It's slowing down, you can feel it
In my heart now, you can feel it
Track Name: Passenger Ft. Poetic Death
POETIC DEATH VERSE:

The results of my community/
Got lost in that mentality/
Been trying to break these shackles ever since though/
I'm waking up to terror in a day dream/
I desire negativity/
You should hate me for my progress/
Or the love I show my enemies/
The Outcast/
So many lessons learned throughout my poetry/
I do this for the love/
And hope in time the world will notice me/
If not though/
I'm doctor octopus/
My mind in comatose/
Become the fallen angel/
Killing gabriel and the Holy Ghost/
I've been there/
And take it personal/
You know my stilo/
I could really give a fuck less/
If it aint about my people/
Or this movement that I speak of/
And she took my heart for granted/
Tried to hate her with a passion/
But see I never got my heart back/
So I'm driving with a 12 Gauge/
Pressed against my temple/
While the devil's in the passenger/
Whispering suicidal/
My only rival's my reflection/
And the ego sets the melody/
It's death before dishonor/
For my sister write the tragedy/
To be or not to be/
Nevermore



VIDA VERSE:
Walkin’ down these train tracks
Don't know where I’m going
Singing this song/
Praying someone knows it
Rememberin' being 16
Wakin’ up just to drink
Now I’m 23
Wakin’ up just to dream
Manifest my destiny
‘Cuz these thoughts are me/

All I’ve grown from

Won’t forget where I came
/
Nunca Cambiaré
& a bunch of reminders that my God keeps throwing my way

Blessed me tons, so I bless her back
Kiss her gently on her forehead

As I turn and walk away
‘Cuz although I love her/

I’m too paranoid to stay
Ain’t ever felt this pure
Outside these pens curves
Chantin’ Absit Omen ‘til I D.I.E
But the truth is, this prose/
the only way you gonna have a part of me/ yeah/ my bad
Track Name: Hope (Was Her Name)
hope was born
meaning It will forever
flourish
imperfected creation of atoms
stimulating neurons
negative negative positive
forever flowing
my brethren and sisters
unite to fight oppression
equal in our human right
change he said
and it rang about the globe
change she said
and wrote about the hope
she kept inside
predominately
quite
except in matters
creating domino effects
stood on that lil pulpit
and let her heart sing
what was in it
attracted those from near
and far
her destiny
was to travel
grassroots collective
I always admired her
mostly for her kisses
second for her nature
the time is now
the time is strong

she said she said
the time is now
the time is ours
she said she said
the time is right
the time is ours

peace was born
and it spread throughout the globe
forever knowing
struggle it faces
lives in darkness
dwells in light
redirects my path
to certainty
no figure of speech
reach to the skies
reach/
cuz every molecule
deserves to feel complete
nourished and
abundant
although these words
are positive
it took me negative space to see 'em
reminders of old friends
I've always admired
the time is now
the time is strong

she said she said
the time is now
the time is ours
she said she said
the time is right
the time is ours
I said I said
always reach for them stars
Track Name: Sixth Sense
I speak in manner to
shift paradigms
got these talks of peace
all in my mind
seekin' rivers to find
the blind man
ask him
why this evil
has any worth
to bite tongues
would be a lesson
in this day and age
they lead lost ones
more to hate
whilst
kids die in 3rd worlds
inside our own world
with no clothes, no water, no food
united states
home of division
puppets preach thoughts
that we never see
listen to the streets
you could hear the heart beat of the people
crying to be seen
my passion
why doust though unwind?
pleading me to demonstrate with silence
while my hands cuffed with speaker wire
sitting lonely
sitting solely
cuz our destination grew foggy
i chant loudly
crying to be seen
but this blind world
cant wrap it's head around
the likes of me
Track Name: Juntos Ft. Papa J
Papa J :

uhh...
Luh...
Lifes Took Its Toll On Me/
so hold up homie/
my thoughts blurry and this liqour has my tung slurry/
all in a hurry & excetra/
I bet ya Im stealing tape's nas on the dresser/
when alone and shit/ stealing bacardi out of my daddy frig/
when i'm feeling down mother held me to her boozum/
when pushing/
every diamater lookin/
im doging jakes/
throwing sacks in bushes/
liquor bottle broken glass on the sole of the shoe that's never frozen/ 100 miles and running/
that tunnel vision blunted/ while my music uploaded/
by another kind/ similar mind/
bullied by bully's at different time's/
life is lended by the man above/ its all love/
but at any time/ he can switch his mind/ be like give me mine/
like he mandkind/
and im not grinding to be cool/ you judge mental critisizing fool/ probably think i dropped out of school/
cause life took its tole on me/
and this weed patna on the daily has a hold on me/
i just hope i dont go out like kurt/
squirt/ the chamber till i disperse/
leave my ladie a widow and satisfy all them jerks/
but fuck em i stay grinding/ fuck em i stay grinding/


Vida Killz:

still stuck
Heightened nerves
gotta take a shot
just to sleep
don't call me alcoholic
just got a irate form of therapy
got more hearts in pockets
than all these rappers
stack your egos up
I'll stack this karma
all that goes out
comes back in ten
wise of my tongue curves
best medicine
ignore these nerds
masked as haters
take away my sanity
never that
too much on my plate
you just mad you ain't eat in months
gotta feed my fam
and show these kids
a path up
from solitude
tupac poetics
thug life mentality
but I ain't bangin shit
just dedicated
rob from the rich
feed the ignorant
lead by my voice
and your actions will follow
disguise my irises
but I see those
monstahs hiding in your handshake
I keeps to me and mines
always grinding

it's organized threat (repeated hella times)
Track Name: I Am/You Are
up at dawn
battling my
redundance
I only speak
when my tongue
hits the drum
kicks
like my pulse
fast & slow
mostly off beat
reprogram
music theory
Song birds songs birds
come riddle debt
of world
occupy everything
who carries mark of beast?
we are hell & heaven
on two feet
I Buddhist
who protested
war
with self incineration
I only aimed
to
find peace
now come one
and come teach
I am divinity
i am masterpiece
painted by piacaso
I am masterpiece
composed by Mozart
Complete in my sanity
I am water in 3rd worlds
problem and solution
rid me of poison
I only aim to help thee

I am I am
you are you are
I am I am
you are you are
free
free
Track Name: Life, Time, Love (Equivalent) Ft. JG
JG VERSE:
Life is like i found eternity/ seek serenity/
plenty of time to imitate essetially/
enemies that were friends to me/ not i/
ever so sequentially fall in line/
and if i try to understand what she said the words will float around my head every which way until they can convey the answers/
transfer thought patterns via our Bluetooth connection/
thats no connection/
this requires friction/
touched her with conviction/
love is like our every conversation/
path and destination/
give and take/ hesitation/
the injuries of past begin to scar/
far from disappeared but often times forgotten/
rotten nightmares remain infrequently,
scarred mental too, challenged frequently/
together, conquer antagonists/ life/ time/ love/
she knows exactly what path this is

HOOK:

And she was equivalent/ to everything im livin with/ life time and love together we've been feelin it/ because she is equivalent/ everything we're dealing with/ life time and love/ together we've been healing it


VIDA VERSE:

tell me who captures
and who releases
my heart strings
grow weakened
upon this time signature
where I'm praising ghosts
that never talk back
my love is only here
when I can't see it
beg the one who knows all
to play me a solid hand
redirect these demons
life waits for no one
so why should she

i fell in love with the wind when
I was 18
but she never saw me
just a fraction
of what she hoped I could be

got tons of trees to float on
thru
hearts to captivate
with how she moves these leaves
sacrifice my heart
for this future
but it's no new story
been knowing
try to fill a void
sabotaging glory
she caused so much damage
and is calm before all storm
such a beautiful chaos
I can't breathe without her functions
what's a year to a lifetime
and what's reality to wind
wait until her heart sunrises
then numb it down again
tragic love
where romance is pen
fabricating half truths
to spread her agenda
got souls she holds in palm
this ain't a love story
just a story of love
with no beginning
just endings
where I can't
sleep
heart and mind
never in one place
wind how it frustrates
sees right thru me
but never seeps in
imbedded in my intellect
constant count down to regret


HOOK:

And she was equivalent/ to everything im livin with/ life time and love together we've been feelin it/ because she is equivalent/ everything we're dealing with/ life time and love/ together we've been healing it
Track Name: Painted By Numbers
Verse 1:
fall of 88' i was born into this chaos
second of two
youngest, but that's just agewise
violence in my sanctuary
couldn't understand
how it wasn't due to me
wept in solitude
saw him try to end his life
every day ending in "y"
first grade,
i couldn't even focus
jus remember cryin in class
like
if there's a god
where's she now?
emotions were such a secret
never identified
fast forward
to this pain inside
first ear i knew
with no judgement
called her up
like
grams, i can't stop crying
whats wrong with my eyes?
mija you're fine
i know how you feel inside
just give it time
you remind me of myself,
she said
lost as a child.
& it pains me to see you like
this, but but you'll be fine

i'll pray for you, your heart and mind
mija, mija, mija yeah yeah you'll be fine //

Hook:
it's just mathematics
so play your part
this equation will last
larger than you see now
picture painted by numbers
reminders to self
it;s just mathematics
it'll last/ it's just


Verse 2:
her words
showed me what love was
first time i felt it
purely felt stronger
from knowin
she wanted to help it,
braced for positivity
it came and it went
called her up again
same story
same lovin
now i'm 23
having nightmares
that she's slippin
out from our shared reality
she's grown older
body is pushin her soul out
witherin away
hoping that
i never have to see her
slip away
in denial
that it's comin
so bitter already,
like when she goes
will my love end?
imaginin' my heart turnin to stone
losing faith in hope
losing love in love
praying to numb my emotions
once she goes home
don't know how ima make it
praying to numb my emotions
once she goes home
don't know how ima take it


Hook:
it's just mathematics
so play your part
this equation will last
larger than you see now
picture painted by numbers
reminders to self
it's just mathematics
it'll last/ it's just

Verse 3:
all i do
is to bring closure
to what she went through
like being born in poverty
never had a chance at an education
now that's not all there is to life
but i cant imagining being 14 and taking care of everyone in my family
like wake up just to clean
wake up just to make meals
i joke with the child in her
sweetest love i ever knew
she's got rough edges
from the scars they left her
but i never let her get confused
that that was them,
this is us
me and all her grandkids
me and all her kids
just pray to love her
no matter the distance she throws out
it's merely to the extent she wants us
afraid to get wounded
subconsciously
she did all she could
told me she'd change some things
but gave her faith to god
hoping when she goes
she knows that she can live thru me

hook:
it's just mathematics
so play your part
this equation will last
larger than you see now
picture painted by numbers
reminders to self
it;s just mathematics
it'll last/ it's just
Track Name: Balance Ft. Severe the MC
Vida Verse:

It's known
I can't dream
so I fade away
star dust stuck in orbit
aimed for the heavens
ended up in purgatory
I can't fathom
living without sunsets
but it's where I'm headed
700 miles away from my focal
point
makes me wonder how
gifts appear as curses
swear I got a curse on me
this shroud of darkness
consumes me
awake to the truth
that it's all in my head
never claimed to be perfect
just the best at doin' me
I the balance that hangs future
open your mind reach into
what I see on the daily
lost souls just tryina live
lifted up on these clouds
certainly perfect
take a chance on peace
for all is forgiven
under moonlight
keep your wisdom pure
seek light
thats props to you and yours
from me and life
play a infinite game of chess
where even my blinks
are calculated
trusting self
cuz it's all I have
love in this body
die in this body
always remembered
thru spirit
once was a enemy of mirrors
image
bless my poetics
and love life
bless my poetics
and love life

Bridge:
Hook:
Severe Verse:
Track Name: Make Cents
Now christyna
was the quietest
only talked when spoken to
unsure of what to say
or how to share it
she could look you in the eyes
and be a million miles away
without you being aware of it
constant distance
lost soul wandering
her closest relationships
were with fear and silence
you could chop it up to
introvertedness or perhaps
she had the same DNA her brother did
high functioning
yet lacking emotional connection
had substance but kept it bottled up
had to push to be present
ask questions
she was naturally caring
naturally fell in love
only never shared or cared to share it
until she met this girl
who reached into her world and
stopped the static
rather, they shared some static
vibed out to a different tune
different tone of love
no one knows what anything
grows into so
they kept planting trust
and waited for something to flourish
unaware it had consumed them already

now I fear the end of it
but shoot myself in the foot
and self destruct
although there's two in this
one distant one fragile
an equation bound to erupt
older I grow
I'm more paranoid of it
desire to trust humans
but there's so many
with ill intents
I just unplug
throw these headphones on
write some verbs nouns and predicates
spit 'em over some melodies
and try to call it art
7 billion on the planet
not everyone is aware of it
the wisdom that lives inside this storm
only judge by what they've
been programmed to bump
haters, lovers, obsessed stalkers
I've had my share of 'em

now christyna
reaps what she sow
uncomfortable enough and it shows
at shows i hide in the back
come out with a microphone
but i can't talk about all that
my weakness might unveil
make itself into a reality

I'm just trying to make sense of it
I'm just trying to make sense of me

I aint got no friends where
I'm living
so this silence is defeaning
ripping apart the lonely me
I ain't got no friends where
I'm living
so this silence is defeaning
I'm just trying to make sense of me
Track Name: Lady Death: Reprise
How is it that love’s got me fearing love?
Insomnia driven by flashbacks that I can’t map out
I’ve got this deep passion, but I’m just a penny
In your change bag
7 billion comparatively
Wise owl slayed Judas
Got sweatshops still/
Makes me see lack of caring for humanity
Self-centered wannabe halves,
No disrespect, I’m just ridiculing me.
Two parts to this ego I carry
Flow placidly
As I pick apart logic
Board like the box I’ll die in
Where the light that radiates on these trees
Taps into a deeper intellect of leaves
Me wanting more
Lady Death
Always
Leaves me wanting more
Glass wall on me
Track Name: Artificial Intelligence

Hook:
Mind numbed intelligence
Words and words, yet very few stick
Keep the following miniscule 
And pens full of bullsh*t
Got the characters down
And ego fresh
O.G I see reflections in oxygen

Verse 1: 

Hendrix to the lips, haze
Purple rolled up
Thoughts ticking time-like
Second-hand slow motion
Been sitting here since 6 yet it’s only 6:05
How much longer my mouth gonna cotton swell up?
Was it my turn to puff, or did I just hit it?

Damn, no cognitive of thoughts
Yet I’m feeling sly vibe
My blood pulsating
Heart beating in my ears,
Oh, how I hate this part
Dear, talk me through this

THC invading my nucleus
Truth being, I fantasize ‘bout her
Mary jane, middle lane, lifting J’s to the sky
Engulfed her to my face
Yet, how I feel ain’t returned
She take it to a whole other level
Only girl I could never keep up with
Tappin’ my minds eye
Sifting through repugnance
No tailored audience
She just shaking her bits
Bud over anything
Indicia sweet edibles

Hook:
Mind numbed intelligence
Words and words, yet very few stick
Keep the following miniscule 
and pens full of bullsh*t
Got the characters down
 and ego fresh
O.G I see reflections in oxygen

Verse 2:
When that blunt touch my lips it’s highest contradiction
My ground zero rhythms bleeding backwards
Lady loves got my fears tied up and bound
Sado/ hello/ to my lungs
Sure shot to miss

8th of mental trip
More rips than your average
Mary gon’ be my one stolen lust

Hook:
Mind numbed intelligence
Words and words, yet very few stick
Keep the following miniscule and pens full of bullsh*t
Got the characters down
 and ego fresh
O.G I see reflections in oxygen
Track Name: Star-Crossed
did you ever hear about
those two girls that never died?
it was said they found a portal
that kept them young
hearts forever beat in
unison
but they couldn't function
so they just sat there staring
at each other/
with locked eyes / star crossed lovers
suspended in time


forever waiting
for something to reach into
'em and change their minds
peddle 'em backwards
Take back all those words
worthless epiphanies
where the baby
outgrew her cradle
no more sung of lullaby
innocence forgotten
where one once begun
other couldn't recall it
most beautiful connection
deception
looking around for a sign
of recollection
repaint this canvass
touch up their blemishes
who tainted trust?
whose the hero?
is she the villain?
what caused their plot twist?
too much likeness
or too much unsaid?
was it violence
or love just unfed?
you see it
these hallways painted
in red
is that bloodshed
or function of arteries?
she push walls outward
but they only effecting she
letters to the wind again
that was then and this is me
all these letters spread like
wings
depart from she
other one
drowning in confusion
of what's right and wrong
let her cross boundaries
while you promise to be better
while you promise to get better
while you promise to never hurt me

they just sat there
star crossed lovers
Track Name: Imaginary
they were wanders
crept high and far
no star wasnt their comfort
roamed about
unsure of doubt
envied by many
except me
too scared to pave my way
drove 700 miles away to realize
who my friends was
imaginary enemies
imaginary friends
i’d steal the sun for you
again and again,
these scenes riddle my head
cant pinpoint intents,
just shameful
blurred memories
disguise the love in me
numb it through pen
imaginary enemies
imaginary friends
Track Name: Outro (Death To Honesty)
Believe what you want/
While I seek what I will/
ill intent on breaking free
Used to want to be a different type of me
More confident/Less humble
All jokes aside, internalized my destiny 'til it became a deeper sense of me
Now I stay gobbling it up
Toe to toe with insecurity
While y'all front like y'all ain't one of me/
Well I take that/See it/Raise you 12
Remember when hip-hop meant something?
Collective oppression created this whole movement/
'Til the media swallowed it up,
Gave you chumps change
some gold chains
Tied ropes to your cerebral cortex
Now, go on and dislike this, like y'all did every other thing that I am bumpin in
I'm just saying, this art form was doper,
When folks knew it wasn't about hitting the 1s and 3s
Or the 2s and 4s
Back before I could fuck up a freestyle with a prewritten
Cuz I meditated on it for like 3 weeks, but felt fake
Wrote something on the bus/
Wanted to remember it, but just wanted to run away
From what this beauty has become
It's all dried up and gluttonous/
While I just hope to save some souls/
All I want is a spot on that mixtape you make your friends X's 2