Phantom Loose Leaves

by Vida Killz

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about

This is my second collaborative project with Self Destruct. Phantom Loose Leaves is a ode to thoughts that haunt me while I attempt to exist.

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released February 1, 2014

Lyrics: Vida Killz
Produced By: Self Destruct

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Vida Killz San Jose

Born and raised up inside the rhythms of San Jose’s streets. Vida Killz is no stranger to struggles. Vida works to challenge herself to be grounded in understanding the cycles of life. Having the unique gift of orchestrating words, she articulates her emotions in a way that gives a direct glimpse into her heart. ... more

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Track Name: Remnants of Death
It goes something like this
we censor ourselves by deleting syllables/
I grew up same way you did/
'cept I remember seeing my mothers dreams for me come crashing down/
never wanted me a latch key kid/
came home to an empty house/
she must've known how much it would reflect the rest of my life/
somedays I can't piece together what was lost and what I've found/
still screaming fck you if you can't feel me/
what I mean to say is, you can-- if you open your mind to what you can't see, feel me?
I've walked with snakes, sheep annnnd wolves,
only now understanding
none of those were meant for me//
something like indigo
something like spiritual
I'll let you decipher from here….
just steer me clear of that
f.e.a.r til my physical disappears
and beyond eternal


i (i) she who walks with wonder
i (i) she still knows that hunger
Blessings be, blessed to be
From now Til yonder
Track Name: NWO
I'd been waiting countless lifetimes
for you to inject me with your love
but it never came
oh, it will never
i'd been waiting so long
to be reminded of how to live
to be shown the blueprint
of where these serpents dwell
all I wanted was some guidance
guidance i've been lost without
running around in circles
wanting to erase my anger
my venom filled tongue
transcended worlds
vida balances on light beams

as redundant as I care to be
rituals lead by numbers
painting my spirit with holes of
7 lessons I'll never forget

Whose this leader of this New World Order
Whose this leader of this New World Order
Whose this leader of this New World Order
Whose this leader of this New World Order

behind my eyelids
i've died so many times
caught in the silence
between my breaths
swimming down shores of past memories
bid my soul a decent rest
this time
on my quest to find
gifts my ancestors left for me
trapped inside this paradigm
lest we forget
it's that cryptic sorceress
killing me softly
I'd dined on finer thangs
in heaven
clouds and fairy wings
just waiting
patiently observing your unravelling
talking to my reflection
bout who can fake it best
on street corners peddling
my beliefs that each moment
get repeated back unto me
so many questions left unsaid
channel my energy towards a deeper chest
where soliloquies are my tear drops
phantom wandering
catch me right before my apocalypse
speaking in tongues you'll never guess
like like

Whose this leader of this New World Order
Whose this leader of this New World Order
Whose this leader of this New World Order
Whose this leader of this New World Order

I do
Track Name: Medicated To You
it's all these signs and these symptoms
static feed to me by my longing
transform me into a leaf
and let me fall where i may
crunch my skin when i dry
only to find i never change
only rearrange my shape
human being same thing
lessons to reformat
& lessons to reshape
surrender to understanding
each day a new page
I am medicated to you
breathe you in like
the infant I am
got so much to still draw from
basic intents
with wise words to replay
trap 'em over these beats
to watch the clouds roll away
so many songs written
spirit spread too thin
on that
same flow
same distance

meditative to you
watch that all roll away
when i inhale, exhale
to find a new day
Track Name: Spread Love
this cold makes me ponder
on minutes i can't capture
so many dying daily
while we yearn to just live
first world problems
no wifi & no fridge
I want to dig into another paradigm
feed all of these kids
from that "I don't know what hunger pains are just know that I have them."
desire to not desire
til i can't desire no more
study the ancient teachings
never forget where I lived
so cold in these winters
it would lead your patience astray
cracked windows to grow under
stores full of groceries just rotting away
water bottles for payment
when a large portion of the world
can't even pay rent
worried about my hubcaps not staying on
when there's kids who don't even have shoes on
perception/perspective
got this want
next is the steps
summer to autumn
til it's summer again

spread love
spread light
share your gifts
share your sight

forgive me if I slip up
it's just the God in me
perfectly imperfect
created as an image
maintained thru my bitchin'
made the hall of fame
for less known but most heart centered
think my ego won't catch up with me
so I seek this art
sit in bars sipping water
so shy he said
I just see your intents
silent as I hesitate
bleed these poetics
it's a nuisance
that my noose was bent
here I still am
until I am not